This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Randomize
