So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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