i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
