i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
