he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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