Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize