when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I think I am morally bankrupt
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Randomize
