I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Randomize
