The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
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