I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
