my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
