Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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