i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
