i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
