I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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