I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
His nipple licking is glorious
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