is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
