Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
