I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Randomize
