Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
