I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
and you fell through a lawn chair
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
