This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
