Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
