He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
