i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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