Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
