you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
