I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Congratulations! We have a period
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
