remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
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