It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
