I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Randomize
