Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
