no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
