some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
third nipple confirmed
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
