The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I need a burrito and a hug.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
