Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
