I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
So squirting runs in the family.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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