it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I have aggressive nipples.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
