I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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