I'm pants shitting drunk right now
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
