he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
