Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Randomize
