She is in my trunk
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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