Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
