: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
