so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
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