I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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