I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
