it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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