I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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