sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.�
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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