i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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