my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
