so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
